


Fly With Me

by yuggie_yuggie



Series: Solos (of Changkyun and his trysts) [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fly With Me, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuggie_yuggie/pseuds/yuggie_yuggie
Summary: Changkyun sneaks behind his boyfriend, and when he least expects it, wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face into Hoseok's back."I didn't know I had a koala for a boyfriend."Changkyun whines into the hoodie. "Not koala.""I don't know," he says, amused. "Seems pretty like a koala to me. Clingy, lazy, and very cute.""No," Changkyun whines again. "Stop it."But then Hoseok never replies, because Hyunwoo wanted to discuss something, and Changkyun is forgotten. He holds on, stubbornly, because Hoseok doesn't shrug him off.-[inspired by Fly With Me by I.M; written in August of 2020]
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho
Series: Solos (of Changkyun and his trysts) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816906
Kudos: 42





	Fly With Me

It’s the more subtle nuances of a relationship that Changkyun thinks Hoseok doesn’t understand. Where the boundaries are. Where to draw the line with friends after establishing a meaningful, monogamous relationship. Where too much is too much.  He finds it endearing, of course he does, because that’s one of the reasons he fell in the first place. Hoseok is so loving it’s hard not to.

Changkyun just tends to treat love as a sacred thing, with careful touches and tentative words. With Hoseok, it’s open and free and endless.

Changkyun doesn’t have the capacity to give endlessly, but Hoseok does, and his targets don’t seem to be specific either. It’s one of the things Changkyun thought he would stop doing after the confession, but lo and behold, his hyung was still as loving as ever. To every single person he came across.

And what could Changkyun do about that? Tell him to be more distant to their fellow members? It’s silly, that’s what it is. A silly insecurity he’s projecting onto his boyfriend, the most loyal and caring person he knows.

But it’s no less real now that he’s admitted that.

Maybe Changkyun isn't the best person to judge what a meaningful, longer term relationship should look like. After all, this is his first, but he thinks he knows more than Hoseok. That's not to say he doesn't make mistakes either. He constantly wonders if he doesn't love enough, but Hoseok seems happy. 

They're both happy.

* * *

Hoseok laughs, loudly, with the most carefree look on his face. He doubles over, smacking his thighs, and turns to latch onto Hyungwon.

Hyungwon catches the forlorn gaze of Changkyun, and shrugs his friend off with a dramatic look of disgust. 

Hoseok pays it no mind. He only turns to sling that arm around his boyfriend.

* * *

_ Changkyun pulls away with a giggle, a shy whine. Hoseok pecks him again, with an exaggerated smack that puts smiles so wide on their faces they can’t really kiss anymore. _

_ “So does this mean you’ll be my boyfriend?” His hyung holds his hands tightly, and speaks as if laying his heart out on a platter. _

_ “Of course, I mean, why wouldn't I, you know? You're nice and kind and thoughtful and really hot.” Changkyun is slurring his words, but neither of them care. It’s just so warm in both of their hearts, and Changkyun feels like he’s flying high in the sky, free as a bird. _

_ “Good, because I really like you too.” _

_ Then they kiss again, as their teeth knock into each other. They laugh. _

* * *

The thing that Changkyun has to constantly remind himself about is that having a significant other in this industry is pretty special, especially one of the same gender. They got lucky, and they found each other, through all the odds. It’s so pretty and beautiful and warm and nice and sweet but Changkyun wants more.

Being in a group means skinship, and he knows it’s all fun and games and fan service, and if they one day tell the company they could be excused from some of the more dramatic things they are forced to do.  It still doesn’t stop it from hurting when Hoseok picks someone else to hug, or someone else to teasingly flirt with. Sure, they pick each other during a Monsta X Ray game, but what does it really mean at the end of the day? It doesn’t mean anything, because a camera is there.

But if he does choose to attach sentiment to it, then why would Hoseok choose Kihyun to marry? Is it a joke? Is it not? Changkyun doesn’t know what to think.

Everyone else apologises afterwards, of course, but Hoseok doesn’t. He never does.

Minhyuk hugs Changkyun tightly. “You know I would never try anything, right?”

“I know, hyung.”

And it’s true.

* * *

Changkyun wants to write a song, but he can’t quite capture how he feels. It’s not right. It’s all blurry and wrong and he finds himself with a trash can full of torn pages almost every night.

It’s all wrong.

The words don't come naturally, and he can't find inspiration anywhere. It's a full mental block, and he finds himself calling his boyfriend.

Hoseok arrives soon after, armed with coffee and snacks, ad they get to work between stolen chaste kisses and cheesy confessions whispered under the light of neon-purple lamp. The atmosphere is warm, and familiar, but Changkyun can't write about anything near that warm. 

It would be like giving a part of himself, and he's done enough of that already.

* * *

There is something about the idea of floating that always seems to attach itself to Changkyun whenever he’s with Hoseok. He’s happy in the relationship, despite everything else, and he flies, high above everything else with only his boyfriend as an anchor the real world.

Though maybe that’s the problem. Hoseok is always anchored to the ground, unwilling to leave behind all of its splendours for the skies. Changkyun, on the other hand, only longs for the skies, but if Hoseok isn’t there, then he is willing to dive back into the ocean and land on the earth.

“What are you thinking about?” Hoseok pokes one of Changkyun’s cheeks, right where a dimple would be.

Changkyun considers lying, but he doesn't like doing that in front of his boyfriend. Not out right anyways. In his mind, he has set aside half-truths and withholding information in a separate category that isn't entirely sin. He does enough of those two things to never sleep at night if he keeps track.

“Us.” He grins, because Hoseok is grinning.

“I think about us too, you know, and the future we can have together.”

A soft kiss presses to Changkyun’s forehead, and he feels like he is flying again. But that’s apparently bad now, so his smile tightens and he sinks himself back to the ground, and hugs his boyfriend.

“Don’t ever leave me," he blurts.

A hint of worry seeps through, which Hoseok catches.

“Never. I’m all your’s, forever, and you know that.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t quite believe it, because there was so much of Hoseok, of his love, that no one could ever monopolise it. “I do.”

* * *

_ “Hyung?” _

_ “Yes, Kyun-ah?” _

_ “Do you think I love you enough? Cause I just feel like I don’t contribute enough to this relationship-“ _

_ Hoseok silences him with a finger. _

_ “Never. I love you the way you are.” _

_ But Hoseok never denied it, now did he? _

* * *

The controversy makes things bad for a while. Hoseok isn’t bubbly and happy anymore, withdrawn from everyone except for Changkyun. His heart wrenches, because this is what he wanted, but now seeing it, he hates it.

The only thing he can really do is support his boyfriend. Changkyun metaphorically ties himself up and offers himself to Hoseok on a silver platter, making sure that the elder knows Changkyun is here if he ever needs him.

So Hoseok takes. He takes comfort and love and care, and Changkyun has to be careful not to float again.

“I don’t know what to do, Changkyun-ah.”

They are in Hoseok’s new apartment, just a couple floors down. He left the group, and therefore the dorm, but they are never truly that far apart. Monsta X never will be.

“I don’t either.”

Changkyun wishes he did.

“I feel like I can’t breathe without someone watching me.” Hoseok pulls Changkyun closer into the hug, and he doesn’t protest, pliant and willing. “I feel like I’m drowning.”

Changkyun presses a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. “We have each other. I’ll make sure you never drown, if you make sure I don’t float away.”

“Then I’ll tie you to me. You can float, and I can sink, and we can meet in the middle.” 

“That sounds nice.”

It does, but Changkyun is greedy, and wants to be by Hoseok’s side. He doesn't just want middle ground; he want co-existence. He’ll gladly dive into the depth for him, but he selfishly wants Hoseok to fly with him too.

* * *

_Changkyun sneaks behind his boyfriend, and when he least expects it, wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face into Hoseok's back._

_"I didn't know I had a koala for a boyfriend."_

_Changkyun whines into the hoodie. "Not koala."_

_"I don't know," he says, amused. "Seems pretty like a koala to me. Clingy, lazy, and very cute."_

_"No," Changkyun whines again. "Stop it."_

_But then Hoseok never replies, because Hyunwoo wanted to discuss something, and Changkyun is forgotten. He holds on, stubbornly, because Hoseok doesn't shrug him off._

* * *

Changkyun finds the inspiration for a song. So he writes one, submits it, and there it is. His feelings, all wrapped nicely into three minutes.

* * *

"Changkyun, are you okay?"  


Leave it to Kihyun to initiate this conversation.

"It was just a sprain, hyung. It's okay."

"We both know that's not what I meant. How are things with, you know, your boyfriend."

Changkyun laughs, and stares at the ceiling. "He's our member, no matter what happens. You can call him by his name."

"So how _are_ things?"

"We're doing okay. It's rough, but nothing we can't handle."

"But are you happy?"

"What are you implying?"

Kihyun sighs. "You don't look happy anymore, Kyun-ah. You look happy _when_ you're with him, but any time else you just fall into this slump." He runs his fingers through his hair. "Jealousy can be destructive, but I know Hoseok. He's very tactile with everyone else, and I just realised we never really checked in with you on that."

Changkyun says nothing, because it's all true, and there really isn't anything else to say after that.

Kihyun tries again. "We're all worried, and we just want you to be happy. We can talk to him-"

"No!" Changkyun sits abruptly. "Don't."

"Well then what can we do? It's heartbreaking to watch."

"Look, a lot is going on right now, and I'm okay. I'll sort this out eventually, but it's not that big of a deal."

"Jooheon is worried sick, just so you know."

So Kihyun wanted to play that way, pulling out the big guns. Pulling out the Jooheon card. Changkyun caves, because he really wants to at this point.

"I'll talk to him."

Kihyun smiles, and pats his hair. "Good. You need to start prioritising yourself, and doing what's right for yourself."

"Yeah. I know."

* * *

“It’s a very pretty song, you know?”

“It is.” Changkyun swallows a lump in his throat, and considers how to approach the subject. “For the longest time, I thought that I didn’t love enough and you loved too much, and that our relationship was very one sided. But then I realised, I placed too much emphasis on this, and it doesn’t really matter.”

Hoseok furrows his eyebrows. “What are you saying?”

“I’m not breaking up with you-“

“That’s good.” It’s hasty and relieved, an answer that tumbles out.

“But I think I need to start prioritising other things above this relationship. I love you more than anything else, and maybe that isn’t good.”

“But-we love each other.”

Changkyun almost cries right then and there.

“I don’t know what I want, hyung. I want more of this-“

Hoseok doesn’t let him finish. “Then let’s not change anything. We both want this, right?”

“Right.”

Changkyun silences his thoughts, because his boyfriend is right. Nothing has to change.

_ I'm sorry, hyungs. I know this isn't what you guys wanted, but this is what's right for me. _

“I love you,” says Hoseok.

“I love you,” repeats Changkyun.

And nothing changes.

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just pretend that Fly With Me came out more recently.


End file.
